Give and Take in Negotiation: Strategy, Meaning, and Methods

Dr. Chester L. Karrass provides a comprehensive guide to all aspects of negotiation in his book Give and Take: The Complete Guide to Negotiating Strategies and Tactics. Even the title alone offers a profound insight: negotiation, at its core, is a give and take. You give something, and you take something in return—and so does the other party. This mutual exchange is the foundation of every successful deal.

What Does “Give and Take” Mean in Negotiation?

The give and take meaning in negotiation refers to the dynamic process of offering concessions and gaining value in return. It is not about compromise for the sake of harmony, nor is it a win-at-all-costs approach. Rather, it is a deliberate strategy grounded in mutual benefit. In a give and take negotiation, both sides engage in a structured exchange of value—each seeking to advance their interests while acknowledging the needs of the other.

As Dr. Karrass notes, effective negotiation is not about who gives the least or who takes the most. It’s about finding that optimal balance where value is traded with intention. Understanding the give and take process helps negotiators stay grounded in reality while creating space for movement and agreement.

The Give and Take Strategy: Why It Works

The give and take strategy works because it mirrors the psychology of fairness and reciprocity. When one side offers a thoughtful concession, the other feels compelled—even obligated—to respond in kind. This creates momentum in the negotiation and fosters a sense of trust, especially when the exchange is seen as proportionate and respectful.

This approach also serves a tactical purpose. Strategic concessions can anchor the discussion, guide expectations, and reveal priorities. When used skillfully, the give and take method can defuse tension and open the door to creative solutions that might otherwise remain unexplored. It transforms a potentially adversarial process into a collaborative dialogue.

How to Plan Your Give and Take in Negotiation

What to Give

Start with the elements you’re prepared to offer. What concessions hold value for the other party, but don’t cost you much? These could include service upgrades, extended payment terms, faster delivery, or unique contract conditions. Prioritizing your gives helps ensure you offer them in a way that aligns with your strategic objectives. Giving too much, too early, reduces leverage—so sequence matters.

What to Take

separate your non-negotiables from your nice-to-haves. Knowing what you absolutely must secure is vital, but it’s also helpful to include additional asks that, while not deal-breakers, would add meaningful value. This kind of clarity helps you recognize when you're making real progress and when you may need to hold firm.

When both lists are prepared thoughtfully, they serve as a practical blueprint. You avoid reactive decisions and stay focused on your objectives. More importantly, you engage with the other party in a way that signals preparation, professionalism, and fairness—three elements that often lead to more productive outcomes.

How Much to Give and How Much to Take?

One of the most difficult aspects of any give and take negotiation is determining the right balance: how much to give and how much to take. It’s a question that doesn’t have a fixed formula, but there are some important principles to guide you.

First, every concession should be purposeful. If you are giving something up, know what you expect in return. Unreciprocated concessions not only weaken your position but may also signal desperation or a lack of confidence. On the other hand, taking too much without giving anything back can damage trust and stall the negotiation entirely.

The key is to view each exchange as part of a larger process. Start small. Make early, low-cost offers to test the waters and gauge the other party’s flexibility. As the discussion progresses, escalate the value of your gives only when you receive meaningful gains. Keep track of each exchange so you can ensure the deal is developing on an even footing.

A good negotiator knows when to hold, when to trade, and when to walk away. Measuring how much to give and how much to take requires judgment, timing, and above all, preparation.

Common Mistakes in Give and Take Negotiation

Even seasoned negotiators sometimes mishandle the give and take process. One of the most common missteps is giving too much, too soon. When concessions are made too early in the negotiation or without a clear ask in return, they lose impact and may encourage further demands. Equally problematic is the opposite—refusing to give at all. Holding firm without showing flexibility can create an impasse or foster resentment.

Another frequent mistake is failing to keep track of concessions as they happen. Without a clear record, you may overextend your position or forget key commitments made during the conversation. Some negotiators also fall into the trap of "false balance"—offering a concession simply because the other party did, even if it wasn’t necessary or valuable.

To avoid these errors, stay mindful and intentional. Know your list. Know your limits. And remember: strategic give and take is never random—it’s rooted in thoughtful planning and mutual value.

The Give and Take Method in Action

The give and take method isn’t just a theory—it plays out in every real-world negotiation, from corporate contracts to everyday business deals. Consider a supplier who wants to secure a long-term agreement with a major client. Rather than offering a price cut upfront, they might first offer expedited shipping or flexible invoicing. These are high-value, low-cost concessions that invite a reciprocal offer—perhaps a longer contract term or guaranteed volume.

In another scenario, a job seeker may negotiate for a higher salary. The employer can’t budge on base pay, but is willing to offer a signing bonus or more vacation time. The negotiation remains successful because both parties walk away with something meaningful—and because the terms were based on a give and take agreement that respected the priorities on both sides.

What makes the give and take method so powerful is its adaptability. It doesn’t require a hardline stance or total compromise. It allows you to work within constraints, build goodwill, and reach agreements that endure.

How to Practice the Give and Take Method

Learning how to give and take in theory is important—but practicing it is what builds skill and confidence. One effective method is roleplay. Whether with a colleague or coach, simulate common negotiation scenarios where you must identify and exchange value in real time. Start by preparing give and take lists for both sides, then run through the negotiation as if it were real.

You can also review past negotiations you've participated in. What did you give? What did you get? Were the concessions balanced, or could you have asked for more in return? Reflection and review are key components of developing the judgment needed to improve.

Some teams go a step further and maintain a shared database of trade-offs and value comparisons—what’s commonly given, what’s often resisted, and which concessions lead to successful outcomes. This kind of collective learning strengthens your ability to respond quickly and strategically in future conversations.

FAQs About Give and Take in Negotiation

What is a give and take agreement?

A give and take agreement is a negotiated outcome where both parties exchange concessions to reach a mutually beneficial deal. Each side offers something the other values—such as pricing, terms, or services—in return for their own priorities being met. This kind of agreement reflects balance and intentionality, and it’s often the result of careful preparation and a willingness to listen. It helps create lasting relationships based on fairness and reciprocity.

How much should you give and take in a negotiation?

There’s no universal formula, but the key is balance. You should give enough to create momentum and demonstrate flexibility, but not so much that you weaken your position. Take only what’s appropriate for the value you’re offering in return. Aim to maintain proportionality in each exchange and keep a close eye on whether the deal remains fair and sustainable. The best negotiators know when to push, when to pause, and when to ask for more.

How can I improve my give and take strategy?

Improvement starts with preparation. Create detailed lists of what you’re willing to give and what you want to gain. Rank your priorities and rehearse possible trade-offs. During the negotiation, listen closely for cues about the other party’s interests so you can tailor your offers. Afterward, review how the negotiation unfolded—what worked, what didn’t, and how your give and take actions were received. The more you reflect, the sharper your strategy becomes.

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