Tag archive: screaming
Emotional, Nuisance and Embarrassment Intimidation
There are people who try to get what they want by becoming emotional, by embarrassing the other person or by becoming a nuisance. Most of us become defensive when we encounter such behavior. We are not prepared for people in business to display emotions or act in an embarrassing way.
If an opponent starts to scream or speak loudly, we are inclined to believe he genuinely means what he says. This may or may not be so. A century ago, the British foreign service instructed their representatives in the colonies to speak louder if they natives did not do as they were told. The instruction book didn’t say if it really worked, but they obviously thought it did.
A friend of mine manages a large hotel. He has seen his employees wilt in the face of loud protests by an irate customer. They will make almost any concession to avoid a scene, especially if the yelling and screaming takes place where other guests are waiting to check in.
I once saw a man cry during a contract negotiation. From that moment in the talks, I spoke softly and carried a small stick. He got much of what he wanted. I found his highly emotional behavior intimidating. Others who faced similar situations have told me they reacted as I did.
The best approach to emotional, harassing, nuisance or embarrassing behavior is to play it cool. If you respond by becoming emotional yourself, the negotiations will degenerate into an argument. The person who can maintain composure under this type of stress will be respected even by those who start the uproar.
When the climate gets emotional, try to bring issues into focus by centering the discussion around facts rather than feelings. Rephrase the other person’s comments to show that you fully understand their viewpoint. Angry people often have complaints that are general rather than specific. You can never respond properly to a general objection. Urge them to be specific about what is wrong and what they want. The more you stick to quiet diplomacy, the harder it will be for them to remain excited.
As for screamers and harassers, it’s well to remember that some people communicate feelings they do not have. They do it because it has worked for them before. Be skeptical. Don’t give in quickly. There are lots of good actors around.
Read more »
Don't Fight --- Negotiate!
Disagreements at work or in personal relationships are inevitable because you have a constant interaction of different positions and personalities. Some disagreements can get more charged than others, leading to fighting. But fighting over a disagreement is disruptive. Fighting can get physical, with some people coming to blows, others screaming their lungs out at each other. Clearly, fighting does not accomplish anything except maybe releasing pent-up aggressions and emotions.
Fighting will not resolve the disagreement--negotiating will.
Of course, some people fight because they don’t want to resolve their differences, however any unresolved disagreements can lead to increased tension. So, if you want to decrease tension, and you are invested in finding a mutually agreeable solution, the best way forward is to negotiate.
To negotiate a disagreement:
1. Define the real issue(s): Often, when parties get angry or emotional, it masks the source of the dispute.
2. Calm emotions: Take a breather and relax. Anger can lead to deadlock.
3. Listen. Most times, people want to get things off their chest.
4. Find areas of agreement: By thinking win-win, you may find common ground.
5. Table issues that are extremely polarized. Remember that it is not about one side “winning” over the other. If you’ve reached a sticking point, agree to discuss it later.
On the Harvard Business Review Best Practices blog, you can read more about workplace fighting in Amy Gallo’s article “The Right Way to Fight."
How do you deal with disagreements at work or in business?
Read more »