Tag archive: behavior
The Nibbler—If You Can’t Get a Dinner Get a Sandwich
I have a brother-in-law who is a nibbler. Whenever he buys anything he tries to get the merchant to throw something else into the deal for nothing or at the dealer’s cost. He almost always succeeds. If his wife is with him when he nibbles at the store, she tries to hide. She is not a nibbler and is embarrassed to be with one.
Nibbling is effective. After my brother-in-law has negotiated with the car dealer and settled on a price for the Buick, he waits until the seller is writing up the sales ticket. Then he asks for things like a full tank of gas, floor mats, upgraded hub caps, a lower interest rate, and a free loaner if the car requires repair during the next month.
He rarely gets all these at no cost, but he usually succeeds in winning lots of them. Some he has to pay for, but at the dealer’s invoice cost, not at retail like most of us. Why? Because the car dealer does not want to risk losing the sale for these small items. My brother-in-law looks and acts like he might walk out. The dealer responds by giving something.
Buyers nibble on sellers and sellers on buyers. That’s the way the world works. There is nothing unethical about it. Some nibbles are worth the time, effort, and aggravation it costs the nibbler. Others are too small to be worthwhile.
Those willing to try should understand that the nibbler gets results because the other party may be driven to close the deal quickly or they want to be liked. The other party may also give in because they want your future business, or they simply want to show how fair they are. Nibbling should be considered an optional part of a negotiator’s arsenal of behaviors.
Do professional buyers and sellers from large companies nibble? You bet they do, especially after agreement is reached and the performance phase starts.
Buyers nibble by paying bills late, by taking discounts for cooperative advertisements they never earned, by insisting on earlier delivery dates or by demanding higher quality levels than were agreed to. They are not the least ashamed to nibble for extra samples, free work and more training than the contract calls for. These can be very costly to the seller who hasn’t built the nibbles into her price.
Sellers, of course, do lots of nibbling on buyers. They supply some Grade B product when the contract calls for 100 percent Grade A. They don’t provide all the promised services. They deliver late, bill early, and add special charges where none were expected by the buyer. Such nibble can raise the total cost for the buyer in a significant way is she is not strong or alert enough to stop them.
Sellers and buyers can handle the nibble successfully if they recognize that it is going on and have a firm policy to stop it. While sellers may permit some nibbles to build goodwill, past a certain point, they are best stopped with a firm sales policy that puts limits on what can be “thrown in.” Sellers can also reduce nibbles by putting a price on those things the nibbler is likely to ask for. Sometimes even a small price placed on a nibble can stop it because it may require the nibbler to write a purchase order just for a small item.
Whether to nibble or not is a question of business choice. It depends on your willingness to invest the time and effort it takes to succeed. The rallying cry of those who negotiate should be, “If you can’t get a dinner get a sandwich.”
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The Sunk Cost Principle
There are two principles of human behavior which I have found useful in closing:
The principle of “sunk cost.”
The principle of “hard to get.”
The “sunk cost” principle is this: The more effort a party puts into reaching agreement, the more they will want to close. In a buyer-seller transaction, the buyer who invests considerable time and energy in selecting several sources of supply, speaking to each of them, and negotiating with the preferred vendor, wants the investment to end in agreement. The seller has also invested a lot of time and money in making the sale and negotiating with the buyer. Sunk costs propel both buyer and seller toward closure. They do not want to lose their investment; they want a return on it.
The second principle-“hard to get”- relates to closing in this way: People have a greater appreciation for things that are hard to get. Negotiators who work hard to achieve their objectives are more willing to settle. They prefer the deal at hand to the one they might get if they started all over again with someone else.
The “hard to get” principle is a good one, and it works well with “sunk cost.” Make the other party work hard and long for everything they get at the table. Give in slowly and reluctantly. Talk, talk, talk. Let the dual principles of “sunk cost” and “hard to get” do their work. It will raise the other party’s level of satisfaction and thereby lead to earlier closure.
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Emotional, Nuisance and Embarrassment Intimidation
There are people who try to get what they want by becoming emotional, by embarrassing the other person or by becoming a nuisance. Most of us become defensive when we encounter such behavior. We are not prepared for people in business to display emotions or act in an embarrassing way.
If an opponent starts to scream or speak loudly, we are inclined to believe he genuinely means what he says. This may or may not be so. A century ago, the British foreign service instructed their representatives in the colonies to speak louder if they natives did not do as they were told. The instruction book didn’t say if it really worked, but they obviously thought it did.
A friend of mine manages a large hotel. He has seen his employees wilt in the face of loud protests by an irate customer. They will make almost any concession to avoid a scene, especially if the yelling and screaming takes place where other guests are waiting to check in.
I once saw a man cry during a contract negotiation. From that moment in the talks, I spoke softly and carried a small stick. He got much of what he wanted. I found his highly emotional behavior intimidating. Others who faced similar situations have told me they reacted as I did.
The best approach to emotional, harassing, nuisance or embarrassing behavior is to play it cool. If you respond by becoming emotional yourself, the negotiations will degenerate into an argument. The person who can maintain composure under this type of stress will be respected even by those who start the uproar.
When the climate gets emotional, try to bring issues into focus by centering the discussion around facts rather than feelings. Rephrase the other person’s comments to show that you fully understand their viewpoint. Angry people often have complaints that are general rather than specific. You can never respond properly to a general objection. Urge them to be specific about what is wrong and what they want. The more you stick to quiet diplomacy, the harder it will be for them to remain excited.
As for screamers and harassers, it’s well to remember that some people communicate feelings they do not have. They do it because it has worked for them before. Be skeptical. Don’t give in quickly. There are lots of good actors around.
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How Body Time Can Make a Good Negotiator Into a Poor One
Human beings are governed by natural rhythms that determine how they think, feel and react at different times of the day. Research into the influence of time on behavior is relevant to negotiation. The following recent findings are worth keeping in mind:
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- Performance is tied to body rhythms. People perform best between 8:00 AM and 7:00 PM and worst between 2:00 AM and 6:00 AM.
- People suffer serious mental discomfort when their work schedules shift. They become confused and accident prone. They develop ulcers and begin to suffer from hypertension.
- Jet travel has introduced special stress problems. Doctors have reported premature aging amount pilots flying east to west runs. They also find that it is easier to fly west than east.
- One doctor studied crew members on a long flight and found that senior pilots had learned to cope with jet lag by staying on their “at home” time. It also helps them to preserve their biological and psychological stability by eating the same foods they would have eaten at home.
3 Tips for Being Listened To
In a world where people have little time to spare and short attention spans, it’s not easy to be heard even when your ideas are good. You have to earn the right to be heard through the give and take process of negotiating with others. The behaviors, habits, and approaches we’ll cover next will set the stage for being heard and listened to in every negotiating situation.
Tip #1: Don’t shoot from the hip. When someone asks for your opinion or position and you are not ready to comment, have the courage to say so. We pay too high a price for expressing ourselves before we think things through. If we are wrong, our credibility suffers and with it our power to influence.
Tip #2: People don’t waste affection on those who habitually resist or say “No” to ideas proposed to them. They reciprocate by rejecting you or not listening when you speak. Criticizers are never appreciated. Those who don’t get in the way and who, instead, help move things along are welcome.
Tip #3: Don’t hope for the best. People will not accept your brilliant thoughts the moment you utter them. Give acceptance a time a chance to work. Having others listen and be influenced takes time and repetition. Be prepared to say what you wish to impart several times at different meetings if you want to increase the probability of acceptance. People are reluctant to give up the “old friends” in their minds for your “new friends” on a moment’s notice. Let “acceptance time” do some of the necessary work in changing their minds.
You have more influence than you think. Today, what captures the attention of others at work are the tools, techniques and trends that will provide a competitive advantage in the race for economic security and survival. Those closest to the frontiers of knowledge who are smart enough to impart it will be the best listened to. Theirs is the power to teach us how to use the new technology and the many applications they give birth to.
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Good Relationships Are Negotiated
Relationships, both good and bad, are products of negotiation. One way to look at the status of our relationship with someone is to see it as an account at the bank. Our daily actions contribute to the goodwill we put into the relationship account. Everything we say or do builds or reduces the account and affects the other person’s attitude toward us. Relationships are an ongoing negotiation, though they are rarely seen that way.
There is a certain set of issues- intangible issues- that people feel strongly about but find difficult to discuss. Examples of these might be respect and how it is demonstrated, feeling supported and understood, and other intangible issues such as these which are the building blocks of harmonious relationships. Our relationship to another person can be seen as the sum total of the attitudes and beliefs we have about them, and them about us.
Most commercial contract negotiations are conducted in a quiet room with two or more persons sitting on opposite sides of a desk or table discussing their positions or matters on which they disagree. This is not the case in relationship negotiations. There, intangible issues are negotiated in an informal way as the parties interact on a daily basis. They negotiate relationships through indirect communication, overt behavior and body language clues.
Relationship issues are rarely, if ever, addressed in open forums. Yet, at the same time, these same relationship issues have the weight to change the course of negotiation. Wouldn’t it make sense to do a relationship ‘bank account check’ before you go into your next negotiation?
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The Power of Precedence, Legitimacy and Habit
Habit and custom exert power. An example from a television show demonstrated how strong an influence habit is in controlling behavior.
The television show’s camera crew put a traffic light in the middle of the sidewalk on 5th Avenue, one of the busiest streets in New York City. As usual, the sidewalk was filled with people going in both directions.
At first, the camera crew set the light to green. Everyone kept walking. Then they switched it to red. You and I both know that a red light in the middle of a sidewalk makes no sense. But throngs of busy New Yorkers stopped and waited for the light to change. Only when it turned green did they continue walking. Such is the power of custom and habit.
The past also exerts pressure on the present and future behavior. Past dealings and precedents affect future dealings.
What merchants charge today for their goods and services affects what they can comfortably charge tomorrow. What they charge one person partly determines what he or she feels comfortable charging another.
If the seller gave you a discount last year, you are likely to expect one this year. Other customers will also expect one if they learn of it.
In labor negotiations, precedent is all important. When teaches in Los Angeles get a 5 percent raise, teachers in San Francisco want one too.
Precedent, custom, and habit can add substance to your base of power.
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Don't Be Rushed By Deadlines
A curious thing happens again and again in the practice negotiations we conduct at our seminars. Attendees are able to control their concession behaviors through most of the bargaining. They make relatively modest concessions as the give and take progresses. Then, when the seminar leader announces that the deadline is approaching, one party or the other cracks.
They make large concessions which are not reciprocated by the other. The party making smaller concessions as deadline approaches usually does better.
It turns out that both skilled and unskilled negotiators make their largest concessions as time runs out. Both sides cave in somewhat as they seek to reach settlement, but the unskilled negotiators always give in the most.
The next time you are in a negotiation, recognize that your tendency will be to give too much as the deadline approaches. Discipline yourself to make smaller concessions and spread them out a bit longer. Don’t rush to give so much in one lump sum.
And, remember, most deadlines are themselves negotiable. There is usually enough time to make another concession if you have to.
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