The Best Negotiators?

Years ago I asked a seminar group to identify the best negotiator they had ever met. There was no response, so I suggested they think of a short person. Finally someone ventured, "You mean a kid?"

That was the answer I was seeking. Think of a brand new baby. How long does it take that child to discover their negotiating power?

Think of some of the characteristics of a good negotiator:

• Identify sources of power. Every infant learns to trade quiet and serenity for food, holding, walking, changing and adult babble.
• Aspire a little higher to do a little better. Children are never reluctant to ask for more than they believe they will get. A parent sits there and wonders, "Why did she ask for that: she knows I will say "NO"? The child, however, is thinking, "Ya never know!"
• Precondition the other party. Have you ever had a child open a negotiation with you by using this preconditioning: "I know you're going to say NO, but....."? Or, "All of my friend's parents are letting them go to that party next Saturday" Have you ever been preconditioned for a bad grade in math by learning about the wicked witch of algebra just before the report cards are issued?
• Get something in return for a concession. Does this sound familiar: "If you let me do....., I'll do.....for you."?
• Control the first concession. Every child understands that if the parent makes a large first concession it is usually a sign of weakness, guilt, or a need to get this negotiation over quickly. This encourages the child to ask for more.
• Be willing to take on higher authority. The higher authority in any two-parent family immediately becomes the one who has not said "NO" yet.

These are but a few of the intuitive negotiating characteristics a child brings into the world with them. Consider this: You were that child once; what happened?

Jim Sauerwein